Usual Day With The Volturi
by Liberty Blake
Summary: Aro and Caius are being really weird. With Voldemort and other Harry Potter characters! Disclaimer! I do not own Twilight or Harry Potter! Stephenie Meyer and J.K Rowling do. I'm just torturing their characters. Rated 'cause I'm paranoid and language
1. Chapter 1

Usual Day With The Volturi

Chapter 1

Aro: "Aah, what a beautiful day."

Caius: "I hate beautiful days."

Marcus: *Yawns*

Aro: "Intresting..."

Jane: "Master. Here are the applications you asked."

Aro: "Ah! Thank you Jane! By the way, have you seen Alec? That boy is always disappearing."

Jane: "I really don't know where my brother is."

Caius: "He disappeared again! Kill him!"

Alec: "I'm here."

Aro: "Intresting..."

Marcus: *Yawns*

*Stella bounces in*

Stella: "Hi guys!"

Caius: "She bounced in! Kill her!"

Aro: "Caius, relax. Even though you lost for Felix in Xbox, doesn't mean that you can go kill anyone."

Caius: *Growls*

Stella: "Master, I am thirsty. You know when Heidi will be back?"

Caius: "I am thirsty too. Heidi is late! Kill her!"

Aro: "Brother, calm down already."

Caius: "Don't tell me to calm down! Kill yourself!"

Aro: *Sigh*

Alec: "I'm gonna go see what's keeping Heidi."

Jane: "You just wanna see her in her fishing outfit."

Alec: "No I don't." *Leaves*

Jane: *Rolls eyes and sighs*

Stella: "Jane. Does Alec like Heidi?"

Jane: "No, he's just a perv."

Alec: "I HEARD THAT!"

Jane: "So what?"

Marcus: *Yawns*

*Felix comes in whistling*

Caius: "There's Felix! Kill him!"

*Felix swallows and runs away*

Caius: "He escaped! Damn it!"

Aro: "Caius, Caius, Caius...Tsk, tsk, tsk...How many centuries you have lived?"

Caius: *Starts to count with his fingers and moves his mouth while coutning*

Aro: "This is going to take awhile..."

*Alec and Heidi come in with the humans*

Aro: "Welcome to Volterra!"

*Everyone attacks*

Humans: *Scream in horror*

Aro: "That was satisfying."

Caius: "I have been alive for over three thousand years."

Marcus: *Yawns* "Doesn't matter"

Demetri: "Master, you talked!"

Marcus: "Yes, I do talk once in awhile. Doesn't matter."

Demetri: *Walks away in confusion, mumbling something about amazing*

Stella: "I'm gonna go check on Demetri. He seems pretty upset."

Jane: "You just hope he needs a bath."

Stella: "No I don't." *Huffs and walks away*

Alec: "Jane, does she like Demetri?"

Jane: "No, he is her friend."

Alec: "And me you called a perv!"

Jane: "Because you are!"

Caius: "Alec is a perv!"

Aro: "Let me guess brother. Kill him?"

Caius: "No, I was going to say cheer for him, but that works too. Kill him!"

Everyone: *Sigh* "He's hopeless."

Caius: "I am not hopeless! Kill yourselves!"

Aro: "Brother, you are hopeless."

*Everyone leaves, and Caius stays to do his PMSing rutin.*


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Aro: "Aah, it's raining....intresting...."

Caius: "Brother, you think that even poop is intresting."

Aro: "I do? Hmm....intresting..."

Marcus: *Yawns*

*Stella comes in with Jane and Alec*

Stella: "Masters, I am bored. What should I do?"

Caius: "She's bored!"

Stella: "Don't kill me please!"

Caius: "I was going to say give her something fun to do."

Stella: "Thanks Master Caius!" *Runs to hug him*

Caius: *Gasps* "She hugged me! Kill her!"

Aro: "She is just grateful. Calm down brother."

Caius: "Is this because she is a girl?"

Aro: "Probably."

Caius: "Switch her sex!"

Stella: *Swallows and runs away to find Felix*

Caius: "She escaped! Darn her!"

Alec: "Well, if someone would want to switch my sex too, I would probably run away too."

Jane: "You shouldn't have said that."

Caius: "Switch his sex!"

Alec: Holy shit." *Runs away from his sex switching obsessive master*

Caius: "Don't run away! You'll get the surgery for free!"

Aro: "Brother, you are going mad..."

Caius: "No I am not!"

Marcus: "You have issues dear brother." *Yawns*

Caius: "I DON'T HAVE ISSUES!" *Storms out*

Aro: "He definately has issues."

Marcus: "I couldn't agree with you more brother."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Aro: *Burp* Interesting....

Caius: "Brother, do you have flatulence?"

Aro: "No, I am a vampire." *Burp*

Caius: "Maybe you need to see Carlisle."

Aro: "No vegetarians!" *Burp*

*Everyone in the guard walks in*

Demetri: *Sees Aro burping* "Master, do you have flatulence?"

Aro: "No." *Burp*

Felix: "Hey cool! Can you fart the alphabetical backwards?"

Aro: "Felix! *Burp* Kill him!"

Caius: "Brother, calm down."

Aro: "I can't! *Farts* I have flatulence!"

Caius: "It doesn't mean that you have to kill our guard."

Aro and others mutter: "Look whose talking."

Caius: "WHAT! I HAVE CALMED DOWN!"

Aro: "Yes, looks like you have." *Farts and burps*

Caius: "Don't try to be sarcastic with me! At least I am not the one who burps and farts!"

Aro: "It's not my fault! It's the flatulence!" *Runs away crying*

Jane: "Master!"

Alec: "He'll come back soon with his water pistol."

Aro walks in with a huge water pistol.

Aro: "TAKE THIS BROTHER!"

Everyone: "Take cover! Crazy, flatulence master with water pistol is free!"

Aro: "Where did everyone go?" *Looks around him clearly disappointed*


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Aro: "I am officially cured!"

Caius: "That's great brother!"

Marcus: *Yawns*

Caius: "I am quite worried about Marcus. He seems so tired."

Aro: "Yes, I have noticed that too. Maybe he needs a nap."

Caius: "You might be right. You know anyone who could magically zap him into sleep?"

Aro: "I heard there are some fine young wizards in Hogwarts. Maybe we should call them."

Caius: "Sounds great! What do you think Marcus? Marcus? Where did he go?"

_Meanwhile with Marcus_

Marcus: "Is this far enough?"

*Looks around. He notices that he's at Hawaii.*

Marcus: "Yes, this is far enough. Those two have gone mad."

*Mutters quietly and sits down, to check out some girls in bikini's*

_In Volterra_

*Aro and Caius running around the castle in pink tutu's*

Alec: "Marcus really shocked them. They're acting so gay!"

Caius: "He called us gays! Kill him!"

*Alec uses his power to numb everyone and runs away*

Caius: "Damn him! He numbed me! Kill me! No, him! Not me! I am too young to die, even though I am over three thousand years old and I am already dead!"

Aro: "Brother, calm down. We shall punish Alec later. But now, we have to dance the swan lake. "

Caius: "Yes, yes. I want to be Odette!"

Aro: "Fine." *Glares at his brother, who is actually not his brother, they just call each other brothers*

*Guards are in the main room, discussing about how their masters have gone crazy*

Alec: "Caius wants to kill me all the time!"

Stella: "I know! And he wants to make me a guy!"

Jane: "Aro seems weird too. Maybe they have the swine flu."

Felix: "Jane, we are vampires. And we can't get sick."

Demetri: "Well, Aro did have that flatulence."

*Everyone mumbled in unison*

Alec: "Maybe we should watch them sometime. Maybe they just have the time of the month."

Stella: *Slaps Alec* "Girls only have monthly you dummy."

Alec: "It was just a suggestion. Ouch." *Swears and rubs his head*

Jane: "Okay. Let's keep an eye on them."

Heidi: "And where the hell is Marcus?"

Demetri: "Oh don't worry. He's in Hawaii."

_Marcus_

Marcus: "Thank you Angela." *Smiles to the waitress and winks*

Angela: *Giggles and leaves*

Marcus: "I wonder how others are doing..."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Aro: "Sulpicia wants a baby."

Caius: "Atheondora wants a baby too."

Marcus: "I know that and I don't care." *Yawns*

Aro: "Maybe we should kidnap some newborn babys."

Caius: "No, we don't want to draw any attention. Maybe we should blackmail the guard."

Aro: "Good idea brother. Guards!"

*Everyone in the guard runs into the main hall*

The guard: "You called us master."

Aro: "Yes. Well, I am just going to skip to the part which you won't like. Sulpicia and Atheondora want babys."

The guard: "And you want us to kidnap some newborn babys."

Aro: "No, no, no. Everyone in the line. Now!"

*Guard forms a line*

Aro: "Hmm..."

*The whole guard gets nervous*

Aro: "Alec! Stella! You are so cute!"

*Alec and Stella swallow and look at each other*

Aro: "Which one do you want Caius?"

Caius: "I want Stella. She's blonde."

Aro: "Well then, I get Alec! Oh what a joy! Bring the baby equipments!"

Alec and Stella: "NO WAY!" *Run away from their crazy, baby loving masters.*

Caius: "Oh no! Our babys ran away! What do we do know brother?"

Aro: *Sigh*

_An hour later..._

Felix: "This is the most embarrassing moment of my life."

Aro: "Shut up. Sulpicia needs to believe that you are a baby."

Felix: "No way!"

*Aro glares at Felix*

Felix: "Mommy?"

Aro: "Correct." *Smiles proudly*


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Harry Potter! **

Aro: "I hate Mondays."

Caius: "Hmm...interesting."

Aro: "What is so interesting again?"

Caius: "You seem very ticked off today."

Aro: "Maybe because I am!"

Caius: "Interesting..."

Aro: "Could you stop that?"

Caius: "What should I stop?"

Aro: "Interesting...That!"

Caius: "Oh you mean this...interesting..."

Aro: "Yes!"

Caius: "Ok. Relax brother."

Aro: "Thank you."

Caius: "I am thirsty."

Aro: "Heidi is late yet again! Kill her!"

Caius: "Brother, calm down. You can't go around killing people. In this case, vampires."

Aro: "But I am _thirstyyyy_!"

Caius: "I know, I know brother."

Aro: "Oh, oh! I have a great idea!"

Caius: "Which is?"

Aro: "Let's go watch Bambi to pass the time!"

Caius: "No, not Bambi. I prefer Cindarella."

Aro: "Sleeping Beauty."

Marcus: "The Little Mermaid."

Aro and Caius: *Gasp* "Brother you are genious!"

Marcus: "Doesn't matter."

Aro: "Come on Caius! Today we are watching cartoons!"

Caius: "I **hate** cartoons."

Aro: "What's wrong with you?"

Caius: "Today was the basketball match, and Volterra lost."

Aro: "How do you know?"

*Caius points at crying Felix. Other members of the guard try to calm him down*

Aro: "Ooh...riiiiigghhtt...Hmm...this is a sadness."

Felix: "Volterra lost! Nooooooo! Mommyyyyy! I wanna go home! Noooo!"

Aro: "He really takes this a bit too...?"

Caius: "Hard?"

Aro: "Yes, that was the word I was looking for."

Caius: "Maybe we should give him a ticket to the Mariners game next season?"

Aro: "That's a really good idea brother."

Caius: "Or maybe we should kill him."

Aro: "Nah."

Caius: "Just a suggestion." *Shrugs his shoulders*

Aro: "Come on now. The Little Mermaid doesn't wait."

Caius: "You are right."

Aro and Caius bounce away happily singing barbie girl by Aqua.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Me: "I do not own Twilight or Harry Potter, I just like to torture the characters *evil laugh***

**Aro: "You are evil, did you know that?"**

**Me: "Yes, I was born evil."**

**Aro: "Well, I was evil before you were born."**

**Me: "Doesn't count."**

**Aro: "Yes it does."**

**Me: "No it doesn't."**

Aro: "Everyone! I have some important news!"

*Everyone turns to look at Aro*

Aro: "I have come out of the closet!"

*Everyone gasps*

Aro: *Hands on his hips* "What?"

Caius: "Brother. Are you saying that you are gay?"

Aro: "Nooo! I came out of the closet! Look!" *Points at himself. He is wearing a pair of bright colored shorts, white sneekers and a red Hawaii T - shirt*

Caius: "Aro, did someone puke on you?"

Aro: "No! This is how teens dress up these days. This is the latest thing."

*Stella, Alec and Jane snicker quietly*

Aro: "What are you laughing at? Don't you like my clothes? I mean, you should. This is the latest hot thing."

Stella: "No master. You look great."

Alec: "She's right. You look awesome. Really fashionable."

Jane: "Master, your outfit totally rocks."

Stella: "You should sing the song called 'Somewhere over the rainbow'."

*Jane, Alec and Stella burst into uncontrolable laughter, and run away*

Aro: "She is right. I should sing that song. It's one of my personal favorites."

Aro: "Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high,

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby."

*Everyone in the guard start to cough non stop to muffle down their laugh*

Felix: "I can't take this anymore!"

*Felix runs away, and bursts into laughter*

Aro: "Did he found my singing somehow amusing?"

The guard: "No, he was just so shocked how great you are."

Aro: "Ah, yes. I am quite good, aren't I?"

Everyone: "Yes, you are master."

*Aro chuckles and leaves*

Caius: "Could he be more gay?"


	8. Aro, me and the wood chipper!

**Aro, me and the wood chipper!**

Aro: "I was thinking about a wood chipper..."

Me: "Aro, you can't get a wood chipper."

Aro: "Why? I want one!"

Me: "Because if I make Caius mad, and there's a wood chipper in the room, what do you think what will happen to me?"

Aro: "Good point."

Me: "Yeah."

Caius: "I could use a wood chipper..."

Me: "Stupid Aro and his wood chipper..."

Aro: *Chuckles darkly*


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Aro: "We should form a band."

Caius: "And what shall we call ourselves?"

*Aro thinks awhile*

Aro: "The Volturi Brothers."

Caius: "I want to play the guitar!"

Aro: "I will sing! And play the bass! Marcus, you shall become the drummer!"

Marcus: *Yawns* "Whatever."

Aro: *Imitates Mr. Burns* "Excellent."

Caius and Marcus: *Roll their eyes*

Aro: "Aaanywaysss...We should start practicing!"

_Hours later..._

Aro: "Everyone!"

*The guard runs into the main hall*

Everyone: "What now masters?"

Aro: "Say hello to The Volturi Brothers!"

*Aro, Marcus and Caius start to play. The guards jaws drop, and their eyes go wide*

Aro: *Stops singing* "What did you think?"

Everyone: "Well done masters."

*Aro and Caius smile triumphantly while Marcus yawns and looks even more bored than usually*

Aro: "This band thing doesn't feel so cool anymore. Maybe we should try to be models."

Caius: "I like the way you think my dear brother."

Marcus: "Oh god no."


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Me: I do not own the Twilight saga and I will say this for the last time, because I have already said it, and it should be clear by now. So Twilight is not mine. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. And she is a genius. This chapter was inspired by Alexander - In - Autumn's, Alone time with Aro. It's really, really good. You should check it out. **

*Aro skulks into the human bathrooms. He goes to the nearest cubicle. He takes something out of his cloak*

Aro: "My dearest."

*Aro looks in awe the magazine, he had smuggled with him*

Aro: "This christmas edition is the best...hmm...who knew that elves could be so...facinating?"

*Smiles and almost drools as he watches a model that has dressed in a bra and pretends to be an elf*

Aro: "Oh my god. This magazine shows how genius humans can be."

*Someone comes in to the bathroom*

Aro: *Freaks out and rushes out*

Aro: "Phew! That was close." *Looks at his dear porn magazine gently*

Marcus: "Aro? What is that?"

Aro: *Turns around quickly and hides the magazine* "What is what?"

Marcus: "What is behind your back?"

Aro: "Pfft! Nothing!"

*Marcus frowns. Aro throws the magazine away*

Aro: "See? Nothing!" *Shows his hands*

*Alec walks past the magazine and notices it*

Alec: "What the hell is this?"

*Opens the magazine. His eyes almost pop out*

*Jane and Stella peek over his shoulder. Both gasp and hit him in the head*

Stella: "Alec! You perv!"

Alec: "I swear! It's not mine!"

Jane: "You should be ashamed of yourself! You honestly read this kind of..._filth_? God Alec."

Stella: "I thought that you were different Alec, but it seems like you are just like other men! I am very disappointed!"

*Jane and Stella huff and walk away after taking the magazine from Alec*

Alec: "Wait! Are you going to keep that magazine?"

_Meanwhile..._

Aro: "Where did my magazine go?"

*Keeps on looking for his _dearest_*


	11. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer!** **I do not own the Twilight saga. SM does, sadly... **

**There. I said it again. Happy? 'Cuz I'm not **

Chapter 10

Aro: "I was thinking?"

Caius: "And?"

Aro: "Nothing. I forgot what I was just thinking." *Shrugs*

Caius: *Groans* "Aro, you are the most...oh god I am not even going to say it."

Aro: "I am the most what? Come on brother, you can tell me."

Caius: "Aro, do you have dementia?"

Aro: "No...at least I think I don't have. Why?"

Caius: "Just asking."

Aro: "Hmm...interesting..."

Caius: "What is so interesting now?"

Aro: "I can't remember anymore. You should've asked earlier."

Caius: "Aro, get your head examined! You forget **everything**!"

Aro: "No, I don't. *Stays quiet for awhile* What were we talking about?"

Caius: "About your dementia! I swear Aro, you are the only vampire on earth that has dementia!"

Aro: "Ahaaa...well you know what?"

Caius: "What?"

Aro: "You are the first vampire on earth to have a migren."

Caius: "What? I don't have a migren."

Aro: "Yet."

Aro: *Chuckles darkly and leaves with Marcus*

Caius: "Humph. First vampire with migren."

*Felix runs in and hits together two ride cymbals*

Caius: "Aaah my ears! My ears! I am deaf! Someone help me!"

*Felix runs away and laughes wickedly*


	12. Chapter 11

**Sorry! I lost the original version of Usual Day With the Voltur! But now I can update faster (I think...) Anyways, R & R!**

Aro: "Look Caius! Alec got me a new magazine!"

Caius: "Great! What's it about?"

Aro: *Drools* "Elves...Christmas..."

Caius: "Gosh Aro! That is not how royals should act!"

*Both are socially awkward*

Caius: "Can I see that magazine?"

Aro: "Sure. But don't hurt them. They are so young."

Caius: "I won't. *Rolls his eyes*

*Caius' eyes almost pop out*

Caius: "Hey Aro, have you seen this chick on page 28?"

Aro: "I'm not sure. Let me see."

*Aro's jaw drops open. Caius stares into distance, drooling*

Aro: "Look at her!"

*Guards come in. Alec sees the magazine, and gets socially awkward*

Aro: "Hey everyone! Look what Alec got for me!"

*Everyone goes to see what Aro is talking about*

All the males: "Whoa! That's awesome!"

*Jane and Stella turn to glare at Alec*

Alec: *Swallows* "Run."

Stella and Jane: "Oh you better run!"

*Stella and Jane run after Alec, calling him a perv. Alec tries to explain that I blackmailed him*

Me: "Mua ha ha ha haa. Alec is in big trouble."

Alec: "Why do you hate me?"

Me: "I don't hate you. You're just fun to tease."

Alec: "Oh god no! Jane please don't torture me! Felix has porn magazines underneath his bed!"

Felix: "Ah crap..."

Stella and Jane: "Felix! You freaking prev!"

Felix: "Run!"

Alec: "Phew. I am saved..."

Me: "Or are you? Mwa ha ha ha haa..."


	13. Chapter 12

Aro: "I'm super cool, I'm super hot, I'm the girl you like a lot. I'm super, super girl! I'm super, super girl!"

Caius: "Brother, what on earth are you doing?"

Aro: "What does it look like? I'm singing Hannah Montana's Supergirl, duh."

Caius: "Oh right. I heard that song once."

Aro: "It's great. It's really...catchy!"

Caius: "That's like totally exactly what I was thinking!"

Aro: "OMG! We think exactly the same! Isn't that just like totally awesome?"

Caius: "Like totally!"

Aro: "OMG, we are so gonna be like BFF's!"

Caius: "Totally!"

Meanwhile with the guard...

Alec: "This is serious. Masters are acting like teenage girls."

Jane: "I like totally agree with you."

*Everyone turns to look at Jane*

Jane: "What? It's contagious!"

Felix: "This is getting seriously out of hands."

Demetri: "We should probably call...*dramatic music* Voldemort."

*Everyone gasps*

Demetri: *Laughs* "I was just kidding. I like Dumbledore more. He seems more random."

*Everyone sighs from relief*

Stella: "You have his number?"

Demetri: "No. I didn't know that wizards have cellphones."

*Everyone groans*

Heidi: "Still we have to do something."

Chelsea: "I agree with you. Masters are going mad. The only sane one seems to be Marcus, but he only yawns every time, someone speaks*

*Everyone starts to remember Aro's birthday party*

*Flashback*

Aro: "Could I have your attention please?"

Marcus: *Yawns*

Aro: *Looks at Marcus, clearly offended*

Aro: "Thank-"

Marcus: *Yawns*

Aro: "You that you came here to -"

Marcus: *Yawns*

Aro: *Smiles nervously* "Day. Thank you for the presents. You are all very -"

Marcus: *Yawns*

Aro: "Kind. Thank you."

Marcus: *Yawns*

Aro: "Marcus! Could you stop yawning?"

Marcus: *Yawns* "I don't know."

*End of Flashback*

*Everyone in the guard shudders*

Alec: "Aro was really scary."

Stella: "Yeah, he almost threw that table through the window."

Jane: "Thank god he didn't. It would've been really hard to explain how a table flew through a window."

Demetri: "But thank god, Marcus stopped yawning."

Felix: "I wonder what he's doing right now?"

In Marcus' room

Marcus: "I am so bored." *Yawns*

**I decided to update 2 chapters today, because I am really bored and I have nothing to do. I guess I could go throw water balloons at people but then I would get grounded and I would get even more bored than anyone could ever imagine... Review. **

**And no, I do not own the Twilight saga. Or Harry Potter or Hannah Montana or something... and haven't I said the disclaimer already, and did I say that I'm not going to say it again? Well, I said it because I just can't remember have I said it (wrote it. Whatever), and the disclaimer is in the summary! I think... **

**Alec: "Stop talking! I hate it when you talk and there is no point! It's even worse than Jane's power! I thought you were team Alec!"**

**Me: "I am. But I am also sadistic like Jane..."**

**Alec: "Holy..."**


	14. Chapter 13

Harry: "Why did we have to come here?"

Dumbledore: "Because my friends have gone mad, and I need to help them."

Hermione: "What do you mean crazy?"

Dumbledore: "You'll see."

*Harry, Hermione, Ron and Dumbledore walk inside of the castle. Everyone except Dore (Dumbledore takes too long to write).*

Ron: "Bloody hell. What the heck happened?"

Dore: "Aro and Caius."

Harry: "Who are they?"

Hermione: "Your friends?"

Dore: *Nods*

*The castle is hot pink from inside. And the guards are wearing white tutu's.*

Dore: "Demetri. What happened?"

Demetri: "Valentines day."

*Demetri walks away, muttering something about old wacky masters.*

Dore: "Come on. This way."

*Ron, Mione (Hermione takes too long to write) and Harry followed Dore to the main room*

Aro: "Aaah! Dumbledore my old friend! How are you!" *Walks closer in pink tutu, followed closely by Caius, whose tutu is almost as pink as the castle*

Dore: "I am fine Aro. You seem...pink."

Aro: "Awww...thank you! Isn't this castle like totally awesome?"

Caius: "Like totally?"

Dore: "It sure it totally awesome." *Rolls his eyes*

Aro: "Gee thanks Dora!"

Dore: "Dora?"

Caius: "Yeah, cuz like we're BFF's, we gotta have nicknames, and yours is Dora!"

Dore, I mean Dora: "What are yours then?"

Aro and Caius: "Aro and Caius."

Dora: "Those are not nicknames!"

Aro: "Yeah, but cuz our names are so short, we don't need nicknames."

Caius: "Yeah, and cuz your name is so long, we had to think something shorter."

Dora: "This is embarrassing."

Aro: "Don't cry Dora, cuz we didn't want to make you feel bad."

Caius: "Yeah, cuz that would make us sad."

*Aro and Caius smile like little girls*

Aro: *Looks at Harry, Mione and Ron* "Who are these?"

Dora: "This is Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasly."

Aro: "Aah hello Barry, Hermie and Richard! Welcome to Volterra!"

Dora: "No Aro, Harry, Hermione and Ronald."

Aro: "Nah, too boring names."

Caius: "Yeah, totally boring."

**_After awhile_**

*Barry, Hermie and Richard walk away from the main room, with Dora.*

Barry: "I can see what you mean."

Dora: "Excellent."

Hermie: "Isn't there anything we can do for them?"

Richard: "Yeah, like totally nothing?"

*Everyone turns to look at Richard*

Richard: "What? It's like totally contagious!"

*Barry, Hermie and Dora roll their eyes*


	15. Chat with the Hogwarters!

_**Chat with the Hogwarters**_

Dora: "Why did you name me Dora?"

Richard: "And why my name is Richard?"

Me: "Because I am me."

Everyone: "That's not an excuse!"

Me: "Fine. Because I am like totally evil!"

Barry: "Why do you still call me Barry?"

Me: "Because I am an awesome author!"

*Everyone groans*

Barry: "Confundo!"

Me: *Got hit by Barry's curse*

Barry: "Start calling us, by our real names!"

Me: "Yes Harry."

Harry: "Good."

Hermione: "Excellent Harry! It's working!"

Ron: "Go Harry!"

Dumbledore: "Go me!"

*Everyone turns to look at Dumbledore*

Dumbledore: "What? Everyone knows that I'm the best."

*Everyone sighs*

Dore: "You are evil."

Me: "I know."

Dore: "Why don't you use Voldemort? He has more time than I do! I have to look after those darn kids!"

Me: "Don't worry. Vlodie will do a guest appearance very, very soon."

Voldie: "Great!"

Dore: "Don't be so happy Tom. She will give you stupid names."

Voldie: *Swallows*

Me: "Great! Thanks Dora! You like totally ruined the surprise! You're like totally fired!"

Dora: "THANK god."

Me: "Stupid old grandpa! And you know what? Voldie is like totally more cooler than you are!"

Voldie: "Hey thanks."

Me: "You're welcome."

**Authors note!**

**Sorry it took so long to update! I got banned from my computer because (apparently) sleeping to 3 PM is against the law! **

**Disclaimer in the summary . . .**


	16. Chapter 14

Alec: "Such a shame that Dora couldn't help our masters."

**Dora: "I'M NOT DORA!"**

Alec: "SORRY! I mean, Dumbledore, couldn't help our masters."

Felix: "Yeah. I hate Valentines day."

Stella: "I don't. Alec asked me out, and now we are together."

*Alec and Stella smile to each other*

Demetri: "Oh ugh guys!"

Alec: "You're just jealous that you don't have a mate."

Demetri: *Jaw drops*

Stella: "Demetri. Shut your mouth."

Demetri: *Closes his mouth quickly. Doesn't want to be captured into alternative reality. Stella can create alternative reality's and capture people, in this case vampires, into them. For example, he can capture Demetri into a TV show*

Stella: "Good boy."

Felix: *Chuckles wickedly*

Alec: *Uses his power to numb Felix*

Demetri: "Mwa ha ha ha haa!"

Alec: *Numbs Demetri too*

Stella: "I think they learnt their lesson."

Alec: "I think so too."

* * *

_**Aro and Caius randomness**_

Aro: "Today is Tuesday."

Caius: "So?"

Aro: "We should be self - centered today."

Caius: "We are self centered every day brother."

Aro: "Shoot! Now I have to think something else!"

Caius: "Why won't we go to Felix' room and confiscate his magazines underneath his bed?"

Aro: "Great idea brother! Maybe he has the Valentines day edition!"

*Caius and Aro run to Felix' room, and take the magazines*

Caius: "Oh...my...dear...lord..."

Aro: "What?"

Caius: "Felix has the limited Easter edition!"

Aro: "Oh Jesus Christ!"

*Aro and Caius run away with Felix' magazines*

Caius: "Look at this! Page 34!"

Aro: "Wow! Hey check this out! Page 56!"

Aro and Caius: "Wow..."

*Felix storms in*

Felix: *Huffs and takes his magazines* Private property!"

*Felix leaves and Aro and Caius leave behind, opening their mouths in shock, unable to speak*

Caius: "The limited Easter edition...NOOOOO!"

Aro: "Bunnies! Where did my bunnies go!"

Alec: *Mutters* "I guess they jumped into the rabbits hole."

*Aro and Caius cry uncontrollably*

Caius: "Kill Felix!"

Aro: "Yeah, like totally kill Felix!"

Felix: "Ah crap."

* * *

**Author's Note!**

**An update! Finally! I'm sorry for the long (really, really) LOOOONG wait, but I'm back now (I think...) But, I had school and I have to do all the housework, so...**

**Anyway, review's make me happy! And you know what a happy author does? Updates FASTER! So, review! (Please, please PLEASE) Oops, caps lock.**


	17. Chapter 15

Aro: "Felix is evil."

Caius: "Where's Felix? Kill him!"

Aro: "Brother, calm down. There is no reason to kill Felix."

Caius: "But the Easter edition..."

Aro: "Maybe we should try to take a little rehab...from magazines."

Caius: "You might be right. But can we do it?"

Aro: "Of course we can! We are the powerful Volturi leaders! The coolest vampires on earth!"

Caius: "Yeah! Like totally!"

Aro: "It doesn't seem so cool anymore. I think we should try something else."

Caius: "Yeah. It's not cool anymore. Hmm...what about LOL?"

Aro: "LOL...Hm...that sounds good enough. LOL!"

Caius: "LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL!"

Aro: "LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL!"

With the guard...

Heidi: "Have you heard their newest 'hot thing'?"

Felix: "Yes. LOL."

Demetri: "Now it's time to call...*dramatic music* Voldemort."

*Everyone bursts into laughter*

Demetri: "I'm not joking."

*Everyone stops laughing*

Alec: "DeeDee, you're crazy."

Demetri: "No, hey guys, we're vampires! We can't die! And if he tries anything to us, we can beat him up!"

Felix: "Yeah! Let's beat him up!"

* * *

Voldie and me...

Voldie: "You didn't say that I was going to get beaten up."

Me: "Oops, I guess I forgot to mention."

Voldie: "Great! I knew I was on the wrong business!"

*Voldie walks away, clearly annoyed*

Me: "Hey, come back! I am the author and I order you to stop!"

Voldie: "Make me!"

Me: "Peace?"

Voldie: "That's right. Don't try to boss the mighty Voldemort!"

Me: "No, it's he - who - must - not - be - named."

Voldie: "Who cares?"

**Ron/Richard: "I do!"**

Me and Voldie: "Shut up Weasly!"

**Ron/Richard: "Just sayin'."**

* * *

The guard...

Alec: "You have his number?" *Turns to Demetri*

Demetri: "Yes, I found it in his facebook. Let's try."

00011002489728

Felix: "That's the most random number ever!"

Alec: "I know. That guy is really weird."

Voldie: "Hey, the authors fault!"

Everyone: "Shut up Voldie."

Voldie: "Yeah okay."

**Authors note (which isn't always important): So, because I haven't been updating lately, I will post 2 chapters today! Ya happy?**


	18. Chapter 16

Aro: "I have decided to get a cat."

*Every male in the guard gasps*

Aro: "What?"

Alec: "Cats are evil."

Stella: "No, cats are cute."

Felix: "No, they are horrible!"

Jane: *Tortures Felix* "Don't you dare call cats horrible!"

Aro: "What is it with you and cats?"

Demetri: "Most of the cats are feminists."

*Males mumble in unison*

Aro: "Well, switch your sex! Cats can't be that smart!"

Felix: "First it was Caius and now it's you? Where has this world gone?"

Aro: "I don't know. Maybe into the universe of randomness." *Shrugs*

*The guard mumble in unison*

**

* * *

Authors note! Aro is the most random character in the story!**

* * *

Aro: "Besides, you will be fired if you don't want a cat."

Everyone: "Oh you're gonna buy a cat? That's awesome! We loooove cats!"

Aro: "That's the spirit!"

Voldie: "This is too random for me."

Everyone: "Shut up Voldie! You're not the star here!"

Voldie: "Alright! Alright!"

Caius: "Aro, someone is calling."

Aro: *Takes the phone* "Yello?"

Voldie: "Hello Aro. This is Voldemort."

**Me: "He - who - must - not - be - named! Get that through your thick weird shaped skull!"**

Voldie: "Fine. Hey Aro. This is he - who - must - not - be - named."

Aro: "Aaah! He - who - must - not - be - named! How are you my friend?"

Voldie: "Fine, except the author says that I have weird shaped skull."

Aro: "But my friend you have weird shaped skull."

Voldie: "Gee thanks. Aren't you friendly."

Aro: "You're welcome. I like to help people."

Voldie: "So, I was thinking to drop by. You wouldn't mind?"

Aro: "Of course not! It would be nice to see your malformed skull again."

Voldie: "Enough of my skull!"

Aro: "Okay my weird featured friend. I will not say anything offensive about your weird skull and ugly face."

Voldie: "Wow Aro. You really are the most friendly person I have ever met."

Aro: *Doesn't understand sarcasm* "I think you are really friendly too. I shall see you soon."

Voldie: "Yeah. Great."

Aro: "LOL!"

Voldie: "What?"

Aro: "LOL. Haven't you heard? It's very useful. You should try too."

Aro: *Hungs up* "Everyone! Voldemort is coming!"

Everyone: "Who?"

Aro: "He - who - must - not - be - named."

Everyone: "Oh right. Awesome."

**

* * *

Authors Note: So, I'll be posting 1 more, 'cause it's behind the scenes thingy. Enjoy!**


	19. Behind the Scenes

Aro: "Voldie is coming, Voldie is coming. I can see his malformed skull again. La la la la laa!"

Caius: "You really are friendly aren't you?"

Aro: "Yes, I have always been very kind. My mommy said that I was the best behaved from my three brothers."

Caius: "Yes! Of course! *Walks away* "I wonder how horrible the other three were."


	20. Chapter 17

Aro: "Caius. I challenge you into a...duel!"

Caius: "With what?"

Aro: "I get a gun and you get a water pistol!"

Caius: "What? That's unfair! Why can't I get a gun?"

Aro: "Because I am cooler than you are."

Caius: "Oh you think that you are cooler than I am? Well, we'll see about that!"

Aro: "But not now! First the duel!"

Caius: "Okay! I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Aro: "Oh yeah? Take this sucker!"

*Aro and Caius start to shoot at each other, while the guard watches*

Alec: "They have finally lost all the sense they used to have in their heads." *Takes Stella's hand*

Stella: "Yes, they really have gone insane."

Felix: "Who cares? This is better than TV!"

Demetri: "Felix! Don't say that! This is serious!"

Felix: "Well, sorry!"

Heidi: "Demetri is right."

Chelsea: "Yes, he is. You shouldn't enjoy this so much."

Felix: "Why does everyone turn against me? This is freaking awesome!"

Stella: *Hits Felix*

Felix: "Ouch! I felt that!"

Stella: "Good!"

Felix: * Growls*

Alec: "Don't you dare to growl at my Stella." *Wraps his arms around Stella*

Felix: "Of course I won't Alec." *Bows his head*

*Jane runs in*

Jane: "Hey guys! Look what I found from Marcus' room!" *Takes out a few magazines*

Marcus: *Looks at Jane, slightly terrified*

*Aro and Caius stop. Aro has a wet cloak and Caius has bullet holes in his cloak*

*Everyone dashes to Jane*

Demetri: "Not porn..."

Chelsea: "But golf?"

*Everyone turns to look at Marcus*

Marcus: "What? I have a life too."

Aro: "Can I read a few of these?"

Marcus: "Sure." *Yawns*

Aro: "Great!" *Sits down on his throne and starts to read*


End file.
